Thursday, July 1, 2010

Life's what you make it

So let's make it rock! Ok maybe those are Hannah Montana lyrics....

I'm a planner, an organizer, a freak of nature who hates procrastination. I don't like change, I hate surprises and think everything should have a place, whether that be in a closet or on my kitchen table.

But I have adapted. I can thrive under pressure. I find logic in messes, which I think is mostly because they don't seem like messes to me...just trust me on this, my "messy room" that my mom hated in high school had logic to it, even if she couldn't see it. And despite all of my craziness, I am rather easy going. Most of the time.

So my first crazy idea...marry into the Air Force. Because life in the Air Force isn't about changes, surprises constantly, and telling you everything needs to be done...yesterday. But why sit around and wait for prince charming who's career will never leave me at home alone for weeks at a time or will never require me to move with a month's notice, when I found my prince charming already? I wouldn't be in Florida right now. I wouldn't have met some really great people I've met while I've been here and I obviously would not get random gifts on my doorstep daily from friends and family who are excited for our wedding. How lame would that have been?

I have my freak outs. I was in tears when I broke the fiance's camera. Literally tears, balling my eyes out on the phone to him while he was thousands of miles away. It threw off my balance. But all is well in the world. I figured out it was the lens, and prayed to God it wasn't the camera as well, found a new lense and replaced it for next to nothing on ebay. I adore ebay. It is my safe haven in rising prices and stressful shopping situations. We got the new lens today, camera fixed, disaster avoided.

I was also in tears on the floor of the bathroom this morning when I weighed myself. I've been working hard. Doing what I THINK I should be doing. But the scale says no progress has been made. I measured myself and the measurements haven't changed. While I'm a person who hates change, I was REALLY praying for some change today. But sadly, nothing. Why should I turn away the free ice cream at work or free lunches when ever I weighed the same as when I was eating it? Why should I bust my butt working out every day when I can't manage to scrape off a few inches here and there?

I've been in this place before. Actually, I've been in this spot numerous times for the past few years. I battle to lose weight, I'll be motivated and focused for a few weeks and see no progress. Then I'll feel like quitting. I quit for a few months and inevitably, I can't fit in an old dress or an old shirt and I get upset and motivated to try again. I've done weight watchers, P90X, some insanity, ran a few miles a day, started swimming again, counted calories and tried yoga to decrease the stress I've been dealing with from work lately....and that's just in the past 6 months or so. There's only so many things I can do.

This was the dress that started this little blog adventure. I got it online and wanted so badly to fit it, but it just didn't fit and I was devastated.

I don't want to be restricted though. I like being able to eat out, even if I have to choose a healthier menu option. I like to occasionally have a bite of ice cream. I want to eat food because I know it's what my body needs, not because I crave it though. That's been my biggest focus lately is just eating fruits and veggies and getting the vitamins and minerals in my diet my body needs and cutting out the fat and extra calories it doesn't need. I've felt better, even thinner at points. So it's very sad to see it hasn't changed any of my numbers.

That's my diet rant and slump of sadness for the day. It's also been raining for 3 days straight so I'm sure that hasn't help my chipper attitude. And it's the end of the week and we all know how tired I seem to get towards week's end.

Have any of you faced a similar situation? What helped? What keeps you motivated? How do you manage to lose the pounds? Please share. I could use some help today.

1 comment:

  1. Stick with it, we've all been there! I know the ultimate goal is to lose weight, but how you feel is much more important than the numbers. Your body is changing even if it's not reflected on the scale, like muscle changing to fat. I know it's so discouraging when you put the effort in and don't see the results, but you will! I like doing smaller meals more often during the day, it helps keep me full and I like eating more often.